Here’s another privacy policy for you to ignore! Following the legislation in Europe of some laws featuring more acronyms than you can shake a team of lawyers at – the GDPR (General Data Protection Act), the DPA (Data Protection Act) and the PECR (Privacy and Electronic Communications Regulations) – we have to write up one of these bad boys to prove that we comply. Don’t panic, we’ll save you from (most) of the jargon. We don’t really understand these things either. What we do understand is that the internet has no borders – shocking! – and if we accidentally throw our ball into your yard, we have to come get it. Or something like that. We’re just covering our arses, you know? Anyway, this info has got to be explained in a “concise, transparent, intelligible, and easily accessible form” and so shall it be. No fancy legalese, no rhetorical fuckery. No shady wording exploiting your assumed ignorance. We’re not a sprawling corporate mass and we’re definitely not intent on leering through your figurative shutters by any means necessary. To be totally honest, we don’t have the time to manipulate you and your data – we’ve got deadlines to make. In a nutshell Our hands are full writing and designing pitches. There’s just no way, given our resources, that we could do anything evil with your data. Don’t get us wrong, we would if we could. But we don’t. Best to stick to what we know. We collect and store your information in order to provide you with a service. Do we do anything nefarious with that information? Not really. We might send you the occasional newsletter and target you with the odd Facebook ad. That’s about it. Not malevolent, maybe a little creepy, but do you really care? Cookies What are they? What do they do? Who even knows? We stole your cookies from the cookie jar. That’s right. Then we put them in our jar and subjected them to scrutiny in order to find out how you use our website. Seriously, it’s just standard practice across the internet. There are crumbs on everybody’s fingers. It’s a mess. You can disable them in your browser if it helps you sleep at night – but if it stops you from using our website, it’s on you. Visitor Tracking Look, we’re stalking you. Like any other business. Not in a creepy way, we don’t think you’re cute or anything. Not that you’re not, we just don’t know that much about you. Google Analytics tells us a little, like an estimate of your age and gender. Stuff that you like and stuff like that. Mostly it’s just fun to look at the graphs in real time. We also have the Facebook and LinkedIn Pixels installed. These help us sell our services better and we’re all about that. They basically mean we can see how you interact with our site, and if you have social media accounts, we can target you with ads. It’s the social media corps being creepy, blame them. We’re just exploiting their services… On a positive note, you can block this if you feel the need. And on a negative note, you’ll have to find out how by yourself. We make use of Hotjar too. This is a tool that stores the cumulative data of people’s interaction with our website and makes heat-maps out of it. It’s kind of like shining a black light on our website, showing what parts see a lot of use and what don’t. It helps us make the experience of using it better, and we reckon that’s pretty helpful. None of these things store anything really personal. We don’t know your name, your social security number or what clothes you were wearing today. We don’t really want to. It’s just vague information, sometimes an IP address is involved but we wouldn’t know what to do with all that anyway. It just helps us sell stuff better. Data Storage & Email Marketing Yes, we store your data. No, we don’t disclose or sell it to anybody. Usually it’s in your best interest – and not in the “we’re-targeting-you-with-advertising-in-your-best-interest” way of social media giants either. We want to provide you with a service, and like anyone else, we can’t do that without some details on you. If you’ve ever asked to join our mailing list, the likelihood is that we have your name and email address stored on Mailchimp. It’s a system that we use to manage our newsletters and emails. These guys are secure and apparently GDPR compliant. We use that data to send you newsletters, which you can unsubscribe from at any time using the link down the bottom. Our newsletter never tries to sell you anything overtly. I mean come on, we work mainly in the advertising industry, it would be a little obvious. We just want to provide you with cool content that we lovingly cook up to meet your interests and occasionally implicitly promote ourselves through. Sounds alright? Mailchimp adds tracking automatically, so we’re able to see if you clicked on any links in the emails we send you (or didn’t). Could we build a bomb with this information? Certainly not. In all honesty most of us can barely build a spreadsheet. We don’t share any of this externally (or internally for that matter, there are like three people who can access this information) and we’re pretty clueless about what the benefits of that would be. In short: we have no time or motivation to use your information in a malign way. Your Right to Be Deleted If for some reason you’re still not cool with any of this, email to lautarocine@gmail.com and we’ll permanently delete everything we have on you. We’d hate to see you go. Please don’t. Not that we care. Well, maybe a little. You should also probably take into account that we need to know who you are in order to do business with you. Just putting it out there. Social Media We run a few social media accounts. Sometimes we post on them. If you don’t want to see these, don’t look at them. You’re not required to follow anything we do. We’d like it if you did though. You made it to be bottom of the policy. 10 points to Gryffindor. Pat yourself on the back, then find the nearest mirror, take a long hard look into it and ask yourself why you’re spending your day reading privacy policies.